Recently I read in a very sweet book about a new mum, who is a writer, that once you get a baby, the desire for your own parents increases and that our world is in constant arrival and departure mode. In the book the writer’s best friend’s dad just died when she herself was still pregnant and about to pop. Her friend described how she said goodbye to her dad and in the same conversation they talked what else they need to prepare for the arrival of the writer’s baby. These two stories amongst many others touched me a lot. This book made me cry and laugh and once more reflect about the incredible impact of having a baby. Life/ death, future/ past, yourself as a mummy/ yourself as a child – I would have never expected all these new philosophical thoughts and questions coming up through the birth of my baby girl. It’s a very beautiful and spiritual side effect. The protagonist of the book also wrote that she lit a candle for her friend’s dad and put it in the windowsill, just like her mum used to tell her as a child, because the souls are on their way to leave and the lights which people lovingly lit for them guide them the way… Isn’t this beautiful? I always wondered where the tradition of lighting a candle for a person who passed away came from… now I finally now 😉
Anyways, the moment I was writing these lines I was actually somewhere in the skies on a plane to a friend’s bachelorette weekend in Germany (actually just over the alps close to my home town Innsbruck as the captain told us just in that moment!!). It was the very first time that I left Zoe for more than a couple of hours and sitting there in peace all by myself also made me realise that it was the first time in 17 months that we’ve been separated for so long (counting 9 months of pregnancy plus incredible 8 months already!). It felt very weird, and my morning of departure was a crazy mix of being stressed, sad, nervous but excited. Now, looking back, it thankfully all went very well, Zoe was in the best of hands with her daddy and after my first wave of emotions and a refreshing shandy in the sun at the airport I actually had a blast and even managed to skip the tearful moments everybody warned me of. I was very proud of myself, my competent husband and my little girl and will definitely do it again soon and I can only recommend it to all the new mums out there!
However, after this great first weekend away my first emotional rollercoaster week started. Out of the blue Zoe started to wake up a lot during the nights and needing feeds everytime. I must say, it hit me by surprise. I’ve heard about and seen it many times from mummy friends, I read about it often but so far I was very lucky that I’ve never been sleep deprived for several days in a row and my hormones seemed fine and normal. Well… it had to come at some stage I guess. And it hit me hard. Just for time in mother’s day – har, har! Only that I didn’t find it funny at all in that moment.
For all the mums out there who suffer from constant sleep deprivation: I have NO idea how you handle it, really. You deserve my biggest, biggest respect. I don’t know how you function? If I feel that crap after only a few days, how do you feel if you have this on a permanent basis? So yes, even me, the always (nadi)sunshine (hence my nickname) was suddenly not so sunshiney anymore at all. More like a mix of constant thunderstorms and rain. It took about 3-4 days filled with full-on grumpyness, anger, feeling helpless and overwhelmed until my lovely husband prescribed me to stop with everything. Cancel all plans, forget the errands, forget the house, the laundry, the cooking, the overdue blog post, you name it – just stop it. Oh how difficult it was for me. I was really resisting it, like I needed it (but I HAVE to do this, and this and that!) – but NO! Who says that actually? It’s only in my head and when you think about it it’s often just ourselves, who create the most stress and pressure in our life. Oh man. As if I could only relax if all the to do’s are done. This will never be the case! Yes, I needed time out. I followed his advice, my wonderful hubby took Zoe for 2 nights and I slept peacefully with my earplugs in and soon felt like my normal self is slowly coming out again of the cave.
But it made me thoughtful.. am I and people like me often doing too much? Are we too active? Too social? Wanting it all at the same time? So long until we’re totally stressed out? And why is it that way? I don’t have an answer yet but I learned from last week and try to keep my days a little leaner now. Only one activity and then rest and play time at home with Zoe. And in return she presents me with a nice, long 2 hour nap in the early afternoon (like now). Also not that bad! A little me time – wow!!! And I must say, it also made me think about work and time outs. Yes, I love it so much being a fulltime mum at the moment, but yes – it’s still nice having a bit of time without your little one. Even if it’s at the office (where noone is crying, you can sit and work and focus without being constantly distracted, get a coffee and drink it as long as it’s hot.. you get what I’m saying? ;). I suddenly began to understand some of my mummy-friends and why they want to go back to work for a bit and to have something else around you than just your gorgeous little baby. So yes, again – lots of thoughts and reflections, and no clear answers but still very interesting times and experiences these days… and definitely one big learning: get your breaks and little time outs. Also if you think you don’t need them, but believe me – we all do and deserve them ❤
Which brings me to the end of my blog post today, a very quick and easy recipe for a super yummy pasta dish – cause sometimes it just has to go quick at night and all you want is carbs and comfort food. This pasta dish is not unhealthy at all though and if you get a good quality pasta like wholegrain or hemp, the one I used, you need much less pasta as it’s not only much healthier than white pasta but actually more filling, has a nice bite and is very comforting. I pair it with lots of sauce made with fresh organic veggies (cause there’s nothing worse than dry pasta!) made out of tons of fresh chard (Hello iron! Hello energy levels!) combined with some fresh spring onions, garlic and sun-dried tomatoes and just a bit of goat cheese and pine nuts. It’s a really healthy, simple and delicious meal and a real crowd pleaser (even my friend’s little daughter of 1,5 years totally loved it).
Hemp pasta with chard, pine nuts &
What you need…
All produce ideally organic if you can
- 250g Hemp pasta (alternatively whole grain if you can’t get that)
- A nice bunch of chard (green, red, yellow – all types work fine)
- Spring onions (alternatively a normal onion)
- Fresh garlic (alternatively dried, but it’s just in season here)
- A handful of sun-dried tomatoes, soaked in hot water for about 10min
- Half a handful of pine nuts
- Some goat cheese (optional if your want a vegan meal)
- Olive oil, salt, pepper or chili
What do do…
Cook pasta according to the instructions. Wash and chop all vegetables, chard can be rougher (also the stems), sun-dried tomatoes, onions and garlic smaller. Gently fry onions and garlic, add the chopped chard and fry them gently (if you have put a lid on the pan then it’ll go faster). When the chard starts to wilt, add the tomatoes, pine nuts, salt, pepper or chili according to taste. Serve with some sprinkled goat cheese on top and dig in 🙂
Thanks for reading & stay tuned on my FB page for an upcoming workshop on yoga & healthy food in June!
Lots of sunshine & love,